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dear asshole in the truck in front of me

Despite what you may have been told, ownership of a truck the size of Mongolia does not, in fact, entitle you to drive like a meth-addled monkey. Indeed, neither your state license nor the vehicle title conferred on you the entitlement of squashing everyone in your path as if playing your own real-life version of Frogger. Perhaps that was a feature advertised to you by the salesman at time of purchase, in which case I would advise you to file a claim of fraud against him, since trying to run me off the road isn't going to be of much help in that regard.

It may also surprise you to learn that riding 2.57 centimeters behind my bumper for three miles and flashing your brights at me doesn't actually make me go any faster, especially when both I and the cars in front of me are already going faster than the speed limit. I apologize that five miles an hour over the speed limit simply isn't fast enough for you, but since my vehicle doesn't possess the capability for, you know, physically pushing the vehicle in front of me out of the way, your efforts at getting me to do so are sadly ineffectual.

And although it might have seemed temporarily satisfying to cut around and in front of me as soon as traffic opened up, it was not necessary to attempt to remove my bumper when you did so. You may be under the mistaken impression that my bumper was an optional and unwanted accessory on my vehicle, but I assure you that I do actually wish to keep it attached. Interestingly, bumpers mitigate the damage to the vehicle in the event of collision, so that makes them a very nice feature to have.

Lastly, I realize that flipping me off in the rear view mirror was your way of providing feedback after all that you had suffered while driving behind me on that stretch of freeway, and while I applaud free expression, you may wish to reconsider how you choose to make your opinion known. In fact you may wish to follow my own example of a smile and a wave as I passed you a few minutes later when that nice highway patrolman pulled you over. Just a suggestion.


The Driver You Harassed On The Way To Work This Morning

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Reader Comments (6)

Proving that occasionally, just occasionally, total fuckwads do get what they deserve. :) I feel ridiculously pleased by this. Maybe because I've had similar experience, but never had the satisfaction of seeing them pulled over. Awesome.

Mar 8, 2012 at 4:43 PM | Unregistered CommenterSister

OMG YES IT TOTALLY WAS THE AWESOMEST. I love the taste of schadenfreude in the morning. I felt like the cosmic scales had come just a little closer to balance.

Mar 8, 2012 at 7:46 PM | Registered CommenterBitty

How many times have I said, "Why isn't there a cop around to pull this *!@*# over?" Okay, so, yes, I drive with a bit of "justifiable" road rage. So glad you got the satisfaction!

Mar 12, 2012 at 8:15 AM | Unregistered CommenterTammy

Tammy: I know, right??? How many times have we all had to put up with that abuse on the road and wished that there was a cop nearby to serve up a little justice for once? TOTALLY justifiable road rage.

(I saw on the news later that they were actually doing a two day sting on that part of the freeway to crack down on aggressive and reckless drivers. I hope that becomes a regular thing, because it was the best day ever.)

Mar 12, 2012 at 2:37 PM | Registered CommenterBitty

When someone gets on my tail and behaves poorly, they need to be punished. I prefer to punish them by going verrry verrry slow. Let them deal with it.

Mar 17, 2012 at 11:07 PM | Unregistered Commenternopojoe

nopojoe: I've done that, as well. Although I've had a couple of encounters that made me fearful the other driver would endanger me further, so anymore, I just get out of their way. It infuriates me because I have every right to be on the road, too, but then again, it's not worth it to me to be in a wreck or be attacked (and I have seriously worried about that a couple of times).

No doubt about it, thought, these assholes definitely bully the rest of us and deserve to be punished.

Mar 19, 2012 at 1:44 PM | Registered CommenterBitty

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